Why Turkmenistan is the strangest country I have ever been to

Without a doubt, Turkmenistan is the strangest country I have ever been to.

We were flying to Ashgabat from Baku via Istanbul. The gates for flights to Ashgabat, Bishkek and Dushanbe in the Istanbul airport were in one corner of the airport no other passengers would ever go to. Not long after, I found out why.

While waiting to board, I decided to use the toilets. I was in for a shock. It was full of women without their tops on. I was wondering to myself what on earth was going on. I soon discovered that they were trying to smuggle things on board by wrapping them onto their bodies before putting their clothes on again.

Some of the women kept going to the other fellow passengers asking if they could pay them money to help them carry some things or one of their bags on board. It was unbelievable. We actually saw a young man accept this offer. He had already been checked-in but left his bag there, went back out and queued again with yet another bag from this other lady. Things like this still happen in 2013? Yes they do.

We took our seats in the plane. I was sat next to a lady who I assume was a local from her dressing. She took her shoes off and I got a shock when seeing her take her socks off. She managed to fit 5 packs of cigarettes in each sock!

I did a lot of research about Turkmenistan before we left for the trip and already found out about the many strange things the previous President did and implemented.

To name a few:

• changing the name of bread to his mother’s name

• changing the name of a day of the week also to his mother’s name

• closing all hospitals outside Ashgabat

• electing his dentist to succeed him as President

• building a life-sized gold statue of himself that rotated facing the sun (called the Arch of Neutrality)

• composing the book Ruhnama which he claims if read 3 times would guarantee you entry to heaven

• reading the book Ruhnama is also compulsory to pass your driving test

• a giant sized Ruhnama is in the middle of the capital and opens up at a certain time of the day when passages would be read out loud

What I later found out from visiting the country, from the Hotel Manager in Ashgabat and the German diplomats we met in Khiva, truly boggles my mind to this day:

• We passed by a huge building perhaps ten storeys tall and was told it was the Ministry of Horse

• When I asked the hotel manager that night, how many people work in the Ministry of Horse, he shrugged and said, “Fifteen?”

• There is also the Ministry of Melons and a public holiday in August called Melon Day

• Not surprisingly there is also the Ministry and Museum of Carpets which houses the largest hand-woven carpet in the world

• They truly love their carpets – on their national flag and emblem
• All discos and nightclubs were shut down in 2012 (to strengthen Islamic practices?)

• Huge white (marble) and gold buildings were everywhere in the capital

• The country is rich from gas but spends it all on imported marble from Italy and Vietnam; any balance goes into the President’s (and his family’s) pocket

• Local young women team up with the police to lure expats to be with them after 11pm (curfew time) and then make them pay 5000usd in order to not be deported

• Many big mosques with no worshippers in them (I never heard the call for prayer)

• The prison in the desert outside Ashgabat housed 40 men in a 20sqm compound with no toilet and food (Family members have to send them food daily)

• Turkmens fly to Dubai and Istanbul, never leave the duty-free section, buy up all the alcohol and cigarettes, smuggle as much as possible under their clothes and duck tape everything else into makeshift hand luggage

• The Tolkuchka Bazaar supposedly Central Asia’s largest open-air market is no more – they built huge buildings and everything is now indoors – incredibly disappointing (as hardly any tourists go to this country, we didn’t find any information about this)

• All shopping malls have the same name: Altyn Asyr

• There are massive pictures of the President EVERYWHERE

• They love their horses – statues everywhere and many hippodromes which have massive gates (9m tall?) with a horse carved on it
• Best healthcare in the world – 0% death rate in hospitals as they send those who are about to die back to their homes asap
• Excellent medical equipment but they refuse to send their doctors abroad to learn how to use the machines
• “Actual” unemployment rate is 0% although it is actually 60% (they survive thanks to the black market)
• Turkmens keep their money in cash at home as they don’t trust the banks / government
• Circus from Russia came to town purely for the President and his 2 grandsons (remember the controversy Jennifer Lopez was in for agreeing to do a private performance for the Turkmen president? same thing)
• Government servants (80% of the population) are obliged to subscribe to the only daily newspaper featuring 6 pages covering what the President did the day before (usually relating to opening new schools, new highways, etc)
• There is only one cinema in the whole country which showed only one 3D movie entitled “The Wild Flowers of Turkmenistan” which was 3 hours of flowers moving with the wind

I have been told that North Korea is a lot crazier and I can easily believe that. However, it is not a destination I am racing to anytime soon.

Turkmenistan was a highly interesting country to have visited but I couldn’t have been more relieved when we finally managed to get out of Turkmenistan.

And if you’re thinking of buying those famous Turkmen carpets, be warned that you might first want to read more about the nightmare we faced trying to buy carpets in Turkmenistan.

What is the strangest country you have ever been to? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment below!

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Click here for more articles on my journeys in Central Asia.